The Tonga Room

User Rating: 3 out of 5 stars

Last night my family and I were anxiously looking forward to an exotic, Polynesian atmosphere at the Tonga Room Restaurant in the Fairmont Hotel. It had been years since we had last been there, and with the relatively new renovation, we we're pumped to sample an old San Francisco tradition once again!
Visually, the Tonga Room is like being on the set of an old Elvis Presley film, which immediately transported us to a Tiki-like, Coco Palms feel; we were swept away by the Aloha...but that's pretty much where the magic ended.
We began by ordering a mixed pupu platter and Mai Tai's. The drinks were served in ceramic totem Tiki glasses, which looked festive with their pineapple wedges and umbrellas, but there was little hint of any rum. On our first sip, through straws, the bottom layer was warm, not iced..not shaken or stirred...WARM. The pupu platter looked fun, but the coconut shrimp was stale tasting like old fishy frying oil. The skewered Satay Chicken was pretty good, the spare ribs were actually very good, probably the best thing on the menu, but the egg roll was again disappointing as it too had a rancid old oil quality to it..not fresh at all and had no other real flavors to speak of. Even the dipping sauce didn't help.
My husband and I chose the Mongolian Beef, and it smelled and looked delicious when it arrived, but there wasn't one piece of meat that wasn't RAW. I love rare meat, but if this was WOK seared, the wok was barely waved over a flame, totally raw! The same thing held true for my sister's Lamb Curry...raw. I don't think any one of the 6 of us had anything we'd ever want to order again. No one was raving, and our exuberant gaiety present at the start was lost into attempting to get through the meal.
We tried two other drinks hoping to get one properly mixed and with some rum, but were sadly disappointed, by the same plastic-y consistency.
Highlights of course were the intermittent rain storms and little combo band on the water. they were as we remembered, very entertaining and there were loads of people on the dance floor having a great time.
So, bottom line....if you're not fussy about what you eat or drink...you'll get a kick out of it. To me, though, it's a crying shame not to have at least B+ chefs in the kitchen...AND someone who really knows how to make drinks....I was expecting better, but I'll have to give it a "C+" overall..("A-" for Atmosphere, a "D" for food and libation). Had heard for years that the food was below par, but this was worse than any of us expected.
I love that the Tonga Room is still swinging and looks so wonderfully tropical in a Walt Disney-esque (Pirates of the Caribbean) kind of way, but PLEASE...it could do with some new cooks and maybe a refreshed, more up to date menu!!! Order carefully.

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User Rating: 1 out of 5 stars

There was seven dollar cover charge for a well below average lounge band. I've had better "tropical" drinks in Las Vegas casino bars. I can't leave out the Kailua Pork which was chunks of cooked pork in some gelatinous sauce. Last I checked Kailua Pork is cooked as a roast and shredded.

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User Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

So kitsch...it's a place that you just HAVE to stop by and have a tropical drink.

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